Oh, How I Want to be Free
oh, how i want to be free
free from this torture
free from this pain
free from this place
oh how i want to be free
to not be concerned about going home
to not be concerned about getting upset
to not be concerned about being abused
oh how i want to be free
to soar freely like a butterfly
to run freely like a gazelle
to swim free like a dolphin
oh how i want to be free
i want to go and explore the world
i want to go and be myself
i want to go and return without retribution
oh how i want to be free
i am bound to the only space i know is inescapable
i am bound to the only place that gave me peace
i am bound to the only person that is allowed to continuously harm me
oh how i want to be free
even if i tried, i have no sensible choice but to stay
even if i tried, i have too much hurt in my heart to not recall
even if i tried, i have your name
oh how i want to be free
but i know if i can’t see past these walls, i won’t be
but i know if i can’t forget that pitch of your voice, i won’t be
but i know if i can’t escape those screeching sound waves, i won’t be
oh how i want to be free
i remember being upstairs and hearing that iconic screeching that haunts me when i sleep
i remember instead of getting a “goodbye,” i got publicly violated
i remember praying that i don’t miss one word on a spelling test to ensure i wouldn’t cry that night
i remember eating on the floor because i wasn’t good enough for a chair
i remember pleading for the pain to stop because the last scar still hasn’t healed
i remember having to suppress my ADHD and stand still at soldiers attention because i was due a beating i couldn’t protect myself from
oh how i want to be free
but the more and more i return back to what i have endured, the more I understand i won’t be free
the more and more i run away while running back, the more i understand i won’t be free
the more and more i try to forgive and forget, the more i understand that as long as i do
i will never be free
but oh, so bad, i want to be free